catholic mass needs a little M. Night Shyamalan

i realize christmas day is not the best timing to suggest catholic mass is in need of re-branding, but i can't possibly wait for easter.

as i sit through mass - the second one this year - i see a church filled with people simply chanting through the motions, and i think what mass desperately needs is a surprise ending. it needs m. night shyamalan to come up with some plot twist you never saw coming. it doesn't have to be too dramatic, such as the alterboy turning out to be the spawn of satan. it could be a fun, spontaneous ending. maybe it can be like an early U2 concert, where the priest acts like Bono and turns up on the balcony during the encore (after communion), slips on the railing, plunges toward the ground, and is only saved by the kindness and arm strength of unsuspecting parishioners below. or maybe he'd give mass an Oprah-like twist where, instead of making donations, everyone in attendance receives donations themselves.

even a basic sweepstakes where one catholic a week is randomly selected for sainthood would help liven up the proceedings.

for years, churches have launched marketing efforts to capture the attention of the next generation. as i fight the power of my eyelids, i think the problem isn't the marketing. it's the product.

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