5/23/12

Brand Cars

I was at a party recently, talking to a girl who used to drive the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile (shown here on the New Jersey Turnpike which always makes things look cooler).

Obviously, it was a very fancy party.

After discussing the surprisingly little amount of training required to drive the Wienermobile, we debated which branded vehicle would be the all-time coolest to drive. Here are our top 3:

3) Oscar Meyer Wienermobile. As cool as the job sounds, one must deal with a barrage of innuendo. Plus, it's hard to make a u-turn, as one of their drivers (known as Hotdoggers – seriously) discovered.

2) Goodyear Blimp (not actually shown). If you're going to be an attention whore – and why else would you drive a branded vehicle – why settle for ground level? And if you happen to have an accident driving the Goodyear Blimp, it's not a fender bender. It's likely an international incident.

(INTERMISSION)

Before we get to number one, let me just clarify 1) we overlooked the Popemobile; 2) Major League Baseball bullpen carts (which transported relief pitchers from the dugout all the way to the mound) were ruled ineligible because they're no longer in service. If they were eligible, the Seattle Mariners' tugboat obviously would've won. 

1) The Argentinean Bomb Truck I recently saw. All black. Metal bars for windows. And foreign language on the side which, like the New Jersey Turnpike, automatically makes things look cooler. The Argentinean Bomb Truck would down the Goodyear Blimp and crush the Wienermobile. I'm pretty sure it could execute a surgical strike against the Popemobile, all while leave the Pope unharmed. The battle against the relief pitcher-carrying tugboat would be storied, but again, the boat's ineligible. Congratulations, people of Argentina, on this coveted honor.

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